The Nine Laws of Coupling Successfully

The Law of 3 People

When you partner, you partner with 3 people:

• the person you think your partner is
• the person your partner really is
• the person your partner is going to become as a result of being with you.

The Law of Competition

Competition in a partnership is like a cancer. If it’s left untreated, it will eventually destroy the partnership.

The Law of Nagging

In most cases, the one who’s being nagged is being irresponsible in some way.

The Law of Emotional Needs

Most conflicts in a partnership can be traced to unmet emotional needs.

The Law of Fun

The couple that laughs and plays together has a much better chance of staying together.

The Law of Communication

You cannot not communicate. Ask yourself what you are communicating to your partner on a regular basis, and check in with each other on a regular basis. It takes the effort of both partners to stay in touch.

The Law of Politeness

It’s easy to begin taking each other for granted. Example: saying “excuse me” is a whole lot better than saying “move.”

The Law of Connection

Couples are either growing closer or growing apart. You need to know two things:

• What does it take to continue feeling connected to your partner? and
• What does it take for your partner to continue feeling connected to you?

The Law of the Other Person’s Eyes

It is not always necessary to agree with your partner, or to see things in the same way. However, you do need to be able to see things through the other’s eyes.

Ask yourself: “How will my partner be affected by what I am thinking, saying, doing?

- Adapted from article by Jeff Herring (family therapist)